How to Deal with a Broken Heart

Many of us have been through bad relationships. Some had dated narcissists and some had dated psychopaths and some had dated normal people but the relationship became toxic. Today here we will talk about the relationships with narcissists and psychopaths. First of all, let me tell you, these people are not at all perfect for relationships. These individuals are not your ordinary accomplice. They suffer from trauma deeper than anyone can only imagine. Consequently, being involved with a narcissist or a sociopath will definitely exchange their sufferings to you. Such a relationship crushes you from inside and, when you have acknowledged what harm has been done, it’s past the point where it is possible to leave. Be that as it may, it doesn’t mean you can’t return to your earlier self – you can, however, it requires a lot of exertion!

Let me be honest, I have been with both kind of people, a psychopath and a narcissist, I lost myself with time. I was so afraid of meeting new people that I used to push them away. I told people that I’m a sociopath (they believed it. Lol) until I met the right man recently. As I have from my past experiences I have jotted the issues which I had faced, and some I face till now.

But before I start putting up the points let me tell you that it is not easy to recognize the toxic or harmful relationship they are persevering until the point that their limit. Envision remaining in a relationship where you are persuaded that you would be hopeless without the other. You are constantly blameworthy of something, you are being disgraced and called awkward– all the pessimism which nobody merits. What they make you feel lives profound inside you and can have a consistently enduring effect.

So here is how you will feel even when you have been successful in drifting apart from your narcissistic partner.

Unable to trust

When you extraordinarily trust somebody and that trust breaks, you think that it is difficult to return to that equivalent dimension of trust. This doubt reaches out past the individual who caused it – you end up dubious of nearly everybody around you.

Incapable to Love

No one loves being utilized. It feels dreadful acknowledging you have been there for somebody through various challenges, however, the sum total of what they have been doing is utilizing you to support their inner self and narcissism. It is the thing that happens when you are involved with narcissistic individuals – they make it seem as though it is your inadequacy which divided them. You don’t feel sufficient and always feel like you don’t merit anybody’s affection or time. Also, when you feel so terrible about your own-self, how might you like others and discover them loveable?

Feeling Empty from Inside

When you have been enamored with somebody, you feel a void inside yourself when you separation. It’s as though you have given a bit of yourself to another person. In this way, when you are involved with a narcissist and give them all that you can, you would feel extremely void. In spite of knowing the way that the person was harmful, you would miss him since you were genuine with him from the beginning. You would feel like in the event that you begin another relationship, you would wind up nevertheless.

But as time passes you will learn some new things too.

Time is the best healer

Nothing changes medium-term and an effect as extreme as the one a narcissist will abandon, it will request a massive measure of time before things return to ordinary. You should stay ardent and enable yourself to dispose of the poisonous quality that the past relationship drew on you. Your mind should be available to changes and grasp the way that all the awful stuff is previously and you have to proceed onward.

Figure out how to love yourself once more

Keep in mind, mending begins from self-esteem. It is presumably the best of remedies for everything, particularly to feel commendable. Just when you cherish yourself will you have the capacity to adore others? You have to deal with yourself first and after that consider others. It will resemble finding yourself once more!

Believe in yourself

Since a narcissist or psychopath would make you feel terrible about your own self and contemptible, you should trust in yourself. You should think about the way that you endure a staggering relationship and that you are sufficiently able to persevere through these occasions. Maybe you will turn out more grounded and stronger than at any other time. The key is to have confidence in your own quality.

Remember one thing, even though it might seem as if it is the end of the world, and you will not be the same person again. But remember that it is all a part of life and now at least you away from danger.

I guess that’s enough from my side for today, see you soon again.

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How does Heartbreak Affect a Girl?

Heartbreak is painful because when your heart is broken, it can feel like the apocalypse. No measure of torment has ever felt so anguishing or thought. It resembles a monster opening was pulverized into your chest, with no expectation of fix. A lady who once had her heart broken can figure out how to pardon, truly, however, she will always remember how a broken heart feels. I was recently talking to some good friends of mine Dalene from Dalene Ekirapa from Dalene Ekirapa and Karen from Karen Monica with whom I have done certain previous projects earlier about it and I asked about their input on it and what they said was interesting.

Dalene says

For first lovers, upon suffering a heartbreak, you may find yourself disliking men, most men of the same niche as your ex boyfriend. A case where a boyfriend cheats on you, going to the next relationship, you will have this prior suspicion the guy will also do the same to you.

Most times we lack appetite for food, we feel we’re good, we deprive ourselves food, my advice, eat, even if you don’t feel like, don’t trust your guts, you know the importance of healthy eating and drinking of water. Remember life has to go on. You’ll soon get over it and you’ll need to be healthy to do your routines.

Sure, you may feel like you deserve to die, like you should kill the nerd, don’t trust yourself again. Seek advice from the few you have around.

If you want to get over it quickly, be as much open about it, to anyone you feel like, care less about who they’ll tell, be intentional, your aim is to get over it. Talking is by far the best therapy ever. You may shed 2-4 tears if you feel like. But never cry alone in a lonely room, it’ll dehydrate you.

Dalene Ekirapa

Karen Says

To me, every heartbreak sucks at the beginning. It not only drains you
emotionally but it hurts you physically as well. You are at the point
where you feel that you have just lost everything (that may not be the
truth in reality) but that is how the mind reacts when you get rejected.

You feel so unmotivated. It is like the world has shut you out. You look around and you feel that everyone is happy except you. You just want to be
by yourself in a room and cry your heart out. And that gets you down even
more.

Heartbreak is an emotional chaos. Your stress levels starts to soar high.
You would avoid looking at yourself in the mirror because you look like a
mess.

But all that usually happens only at the beginning phase of a heartbreak.
Once you get to overcome that roller coaster period, you will start to see
a newer you.

Slowly the emotional and physical pain will start to heal. The stress
levels will go back to normal. You will feel emotionally stronger. The
world will start to look like a much better place. You will be inspired to
improve your life.

I believe that each heartbreak will nurture you to be a better and
stronger person. You are still smiling and standing after all that
emotional chaos, aren’t you?

Karen Monica

Well, to be honest Karen’s question made me question myself and then I came up with ideas how to deal with it, of course we all handle our heartbreaks in our own way but the one I am about to mention here are the one which will help you with the grief of heartbreak.

Take it each day by itself.

Or on the other hand, hell, one breath at any given moment. One minute on end. When I was down and crushed, I couldn’t envision how on the planet I would endure, not to mention do basically everything that I knew was coming. Contemplating what’s to come was completely overpowering. I couldn’t do it. Rather, I simply focused on single days. The present was excruciating, yet I remained there. I remained with the agony as it ebbed and moved as the days progressed. What’s more, the days crawled by, everyone a little triumph.

Connect.

Web stories can be great, yet it’s your friends and family will’s identity a gift from heaven during melancholy. Try not to delay to contact your loved ones quickly when something disastrous has happened.

During my first break up (the only break up which hurt me) my mom was already dead so I talked to my dad, and a few of my close friends soon after my break up. They couldn’t influence the agony to leave, yet they tuned in and said what they could. I realized I was thought about. I realized they were concerned. Feeling that adoration advised me that I wasn’t useless. I was as yet the same me.

Discover comfort in music.

After the split, I sat in an airplane terminal, tuning in to “Hurt” by Johnny Cash, crying discreetly to myself as neglectful individuals strolled by. It felt great to give it a chance to out. It was a piece of my recuperating procedure. Music was another consistent, something that wouldn’t disappoint me. I think I presumably tuned in to each tragic melody I’d at any point heard. It wasn’t an approach to feel frustrated about myself (OK, perhaps a bit) as much as other methods for realizing I wasn’t the only one. It was a method for feeling all the more powerfully the torment in the tunes and verses of others, a method for sympathizing with them and realizing they saw how I felt as well.

Keep up your daily routine

This was maybe the hardest activity after what occurred—come back to my everyday practice. Truly, I had a craving for securing myself a dim stay with ten pounds of dessert and sucking my thumb for the following couple of months. It didn’t appear to be conceivable to come back to my everyday life. In any case, I did, and sooner or later, I understood that it was my standard that was restoring my feeling of direction. In reality, doing things took my psyche off of the gap in my chest and helped me to remember my esteem.

Accept.

It takes a specific proportion of confidence to fall into a dark opening of torment, grab around carelessly for some time, and in the long run develop. My circumstance felt without anything positive. It appeared as though there was nothing to hang my cap on. However, someplace, profound inside me, I figured out how to discover the mettle to trust that things would be better once more. I trusted that life would not neglect me. I trusted I could endure the hardship, and following a couple of months, the skyline didn’t look so distressing any longer. I started to leave the past where it was intended to be—behind me—and to discover fulfillment in the present.

Well at the end, I would just say that maybe it is hard to move on but not impossible.

I would love to know your thoughts too about this so let me know.

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Speak Up!

Incident 1

She: Why do I have to text you always? Why isn’t there any initiation from your side?

He: I have been really busy.

She: You are always busy. Sorry for bothering you.

He: I never said that you bother me. I am sorry if I have made you feel so.

She: You know what love, you have changed.

He: Love, I am really trying not to.

She: Take Care.

Incident 2

He: Look, I am not an insomniac like you are. I just can’t.

She: Did I ever ask you to?

He: No you never asked but you always wanted it.

She: Don’t misinterpret me. I know you have a hard life but I work too.

He: You actually never understood me.

She (hurt): If that makes you happy, then fine.

And then she stopped texting him. All because she felt she was ignored and she was tired of getting hurt. Whereas he remained confused that where he went wrong, he never wanted to hurt her.

Now………….. You must be thinking that the guy got bored with her. Believe me, she might have thought the same. Maybe his feelings vanished and he was unaware of that.

It is very natural, it happens. The thing which those two did not understand that disappeared between them was communication. He should have simply conveyed to her whatever was going on his mind but he did not open up no matter whatever the reasons had been. And she remained stubborn because it would hurt her ego too for further argument. As a result, she was hurt enough to walk away, and he kept on misunderstanding her. A story that could have a beautiful climax had a painful ending.

Look we like people, fall in love, sometimes feelings stay, sometimes it vanishes, unwillingly may be. Rollo May said in one of his quotes, “Communication leads to community, that is, to understanding, intimacy and mutual valuing.”. So rather than avoiding the other person speak up whatever is going on your mind because communication can solve any problem and it gives a closure too. A closure is imperative so that every individual can grieve and afterward proceed on with their lives.

 
 

 

One suggestion to everyone, no matter what you feel, what you want to do just SPEAK UP! Do not keep a person hanging because it may affect them in a way where their self-confidence may get affected.

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I think that is all for today on withlovemoni today for you all.  Try not to hurt anyone, because not everybody is strong enough as they might claim to be.

Take care

Oh, by the way, check out David Elliott’s blog Single Dad’s guide to life because I am extremely thankful to him for the dialogues I used here above, all the credit for the dialogues goes to him and he is too lovely.

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The Art of Smile

Every person knows how it feels to be broken from inside yet keeping a smile on face. These quotes are dedicated to those lovely smiles which hide the pain so efficiently.

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“Strong people are the ones who can smile for others’ happiness.” 
―Veronica Purcel

“I hide hurt behind a fake smile. I wear it all the time. Everyone says how I always look so cheerful. Shows what they know I guess.” ―Ellen Hopkins

“Lorraine once told me, smile big when you’re sad. Smile big when you’re happy. Smile big when you’re bored. Because regardless how you feel, your face could use a stretch.” 
―Marley Jacobs

“A fake smile may fool the crowd but it never eases the pain.”
―Kelly Brook

“He who wears a smile instead of worrying is always the strongest.”
―Vikrant Parsai

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“Keep smiling because no one care’s how you feel.” 
―Altaf ul Qadri

“Too often, behind that smile of mine, I hide a thousand tears.”
―Alex V.

“Many smiling faces hide a bleeding heart.” 
―Bangambiki Habyarimana

“A smile is the best way to deal with difficult situations. Even if it’s a fake one. Used properly, you can fool anyone with them.” 
―Sai

“Smile, even if it’s fake. Laugh, even if you hurt. Don’t let anyone get to you, you’re beautiful regardless of what anyone says to you.”
―Anurag Prakash Ray

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Shopping Relieves Stress

As everyone who read my last post knows I was pretty upset due to “stuff” thank you for wishing good for me. And those who said “This too shall pass” you guys have won my heart. Well on Thursday night after reading https://singledadsguidetolife.com/the-single-dads-guide-to-fake-news-volume-15/ (Thanks to David), I started feeling normal. But, it was short lived; within the very next hour I read something which again pissed me off..

So on the very next day I decided to go for shopping as I knew now this is the only thing that will help me. Though it is monsoon here still Shopping is always great isn’t it?

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So as I was saying shopping, I love wearing maxi dresses. And to be very honest as I do not have a photographer who can click my pictures in all these dresses I have to upload the pictures of only the dresses. Though I must thanks Fbb because I loved their collection this time…

Though I love black but this last blue dress captured my heart. And now I can say I am FINE. 

Happy Shopping and Thank You readers for being by my side.

See you Soon..

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It hurts Everywhere

Happy Sunday Everyone. For me this week was terrible. And since Friday I have been feeling absurdly low. I couldn’t even exactly plan what to write so I thought of sharing some abstract artworks which I had once made. Along with that I am adding some quotes that might explain how I feel.

1:
“It’s strange how a word, a phrase, a sentence, can feel like a blow to the head.”
― Veronica Roth, Allegiant

2:
“later that night
i held an atlas in my lap
ran my fingers across the whole world
and whispered
where does it hurt?


it answered
everywhere
everywhere
everywhere.”

― Warsan Shire

3:
“It’s tough when anyone is hurt, it’s painful and awful.”
― CLAMP, Kobato 04

4:
“Sometimes pain in your heart can be felt very strange
Which misguides your thoughts that you fail to rearrange”

― Munia Khan

5:
“The daggers of silence last longer than anything ever spoken.”
― Shannon L. Alder

6:
“In every change, in every falling leaf there is some pain, some beauty. And that’s the way new leaves grow.”
― Amit Ray

7:
“It is beautiful, it is endless, it is full and yet seems empty. It hurts us.”
― Jackson Pearce, Fathomless

8:
“Rather than being incensed by the nature of the bruise, maybe we should be inspired by the possibilities in the bruise.”
― Craig D. Lounsbrough

9:
“Pain in this life is not avoidable, but the pain we create avoiding pain is avoidable.”
― R.D. Laing

10:
“I love and care for everyone because I know the pain of being unloved and uncared.”
― Luffina Lourduraj”

Thank you readers for stopping by.
Have a great week ahead…

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Rabindranath Tagore

Rabindranath Tagore, some have heard and read about him some have not. Last week was his birthday. He was born in Calcutta on 7th May 1861 and died on 7th August 1941 in Calcutta. He was a Proud Indian He was a Writer, song composer, playwright, essayist, painter. And he received Novel Prize for ‘Gitanjali’ in the year 1913.

Honestly speaking on my blog today I won’t write what everyone knows or can read about him. This is my blog so today I will write what I truly feel, what I truly think about him.

I had read about him since my childhood. My Grandpa used to say one cannot finish reading his works during his/her whole lifetime. Of course he had written a lot. I somehow could feel whatever he might have felt during writing either a sad poetry or a love poem.

Many bengali people in India love him but some hate him. I remember, last year a renowned camera person from a renowned channel told me there’s no point in loving that man’s work because he got whatever he had because he was born in a rich family.

I didn’t respond him, I just smiled. Of course I could have argued with him because I have read him since my childhood. But I couldn’t make him understand what I exactly feel about Rabindranath Tagore.

If any artist is reading this then my question to you would be, have you seen Rabindranath Tagore’s old age photograph? If yes have you looked deep into his eyes? What do you see?

It is said that eyes of a human reflects everything about that person, I am not sure about others but about Rabindranath Tagore it was applicable. His emotions would be easily understandable from him eyes. I personally avoid looking in his eyes of his picture. Do you know what I see?

He might have recieved everything a man ever wants or wanted but his eyes says he was in agony, in deep pain which he couldn’t share with anyone. His eyes say he wanted peace. His eyes depict, only if he could turn over the time.

There are many portraits about him. Many people draw about him. I only sketched once about him because I can’t draw those eyes. I can’t draw that pain, that hurt. I can’t. I only sketched about him once in my lifetime but for me that was worse because I felt like thousands of knives were hitting me.

I have never seen him but I feel like as if I have known him since ages. May be it’s common.

Many “FAMOUS” people would say ,”Ah, that’s very normal”, if I share my true feelings about what I feel about Rabindranath Tagore. But my question is do you feel connected to him like I do? Do you feel like you have known him always like I do? Do you?

Honestly speaking he isn’t my favourite writer or poet or painter but still I love reading his works. This reminds me of one more incident in 2017 while I was working as a journalist, my senior asked me about one of the phrases of Rabindranath Tagore’s work “Ghore Baire”, a lady who sort of hated me commented, “How would she know about it? You asked the wrong person”, and she chuckled. My senior knowing me well then told her, “Why don’t you answer it then”, she didn’t have any answer to it. I simply completed the phrase and told him the other required details and left the room.

You know I didn’t feel victorious that day because she couldn’t answer it and I knew about it. I was extremely hurt because I can’t portray my feelings.

I know whoever reads it might feel it boring because for the very first time ever I have revealed this side of me but one thing I would say Rabindranath Tagore was really a great man. Not because I know it but because I feel it.

A quote by him, “Who are you, reader, reading my poems an hundred years hence? I cannot send you one single flower from this wealth of the spring, one single streak of gold from yonder clouds. Open your doors and look abroad. From your blossoming garden gather fragrant memories of the vanished flowers of an hundred years before. In the joy of your heart may you feel the living joy that sang one spring morning, sending its glad voice across an hundred years.”

That’s all for today.

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