Types of People You Should Stay Away From

There are many kinds of people whom we meet at points of our life. Some are good, some are not. But there are some kinds of people among all those who are absolutely not good for us. They obviously affect our mental health. Here are three types of people one should stay away from.


The Manipulator: These people are the most difficult of all. They are experts of control, in spite of the fact that they presumably believe they’re uber-useful. Manipulators are ace catch pushers who will go after your weaknesses to inspire you to fall into line. You can spot controllers immediately when you understand they’re typically endeavoring to persuade you regarding something that they need you to do, on their terms. Abstain from surrendering control in your life to one of these.


The Self-Claimed Victims: These people keep on claiming that how this or that had happened to them and they do not have good luck. It is like as if they are the only ones who have issues and others do not have troubles in their lives. Sooner or later, being around this kind of consistent “poor me” will end up perilous to your prosperity. Unfortunate casualties are regularly searching for others to approve their sentiments and it tends to be a tricky incline between being caring and steady and acknowledging you ought to have defined a few limits. 


The Underminers: These are the type of people who absolutely are disgusting. If you personally ask me I can handle a manipulator rather than have these sort of people around me. Let me tell you why. Do you realize that individual who professes to be your well-wisher yet dependably has a sharp comment that brings you down? Stowing away under the appearance of being your ally, the underminer enjoys incredible telling you your deficiencies, quirks, and oversights. Your abilities and victories? They’re not as fascinating. What the underminer needs is to feel great when others come up short, or believe they’re coming up short. Enormous slip-up to permit one of these into your life.

Photography by Patrick Hendry

See, in the journey of life, we meet various kinds of people. These three type of people you find in maximum cases. So try to stay safe from these people to save your sanity…

Did I miss out on any or any kind of person you would like to add here in the list. Let me know in the comments. So I will end it here now. See you soon again. Till then Stay safe and Take care.

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Beware of Narcissists

Narcissistic personality disorder is one of a few sorts of identity issue — is a psychological condition in which individuals have their very own expanded feeling significance, a profound requirement for extreme consideration and adoration, agitated connections, and an absence of compassion for other people.

Narcissistic identity issue is discovered all the more generally in men. The reason is obscure however likely includes a blend of hereditary and ecological elements. Side effects incorporate an intemperate requirement for esteem, negligence for others’ emotions, a powerlessness to deal with any feedback and a feeling of qualification.

The indications of narcissistic identity issue include: vainglorious feeling of significance, distraction with boundless achievement, conviction that one is extraordinary and novel, exploitative of others, absence of sympathy and extreme arrogance. These people are also known as soul-less as they cannot feel any pain of anyone and are extreme ruthless. They have an unrealistic sense of superiority. Their mind is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited successpower, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.

Narcissists are ace controllers and will endeavor to make you feel both regretful and debilitated. They are extremely selfish and believe that they deserve certain privileges because they are unique. But ultimately the narcissists need self-esteem. They need trust in themselves and experience torment as a result of it. The external shell of narcissism is only their method for adapting to it.

Though treatment can help but there is no cure to it.

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How is it to Live With a Narcissist?

Similarity and collaboration among narcissism and bipolar vainglory. Somebody who presents with narcissistic identity attributes can be hard to recognize from somebody who is encountering mellow to direct hypomania (bipolar inclination rise less intense than full craziness) with the pompous view of self.

Now I have a very great experience with a narcissist, and I am just sharing this to clarify how these people exactly function. But if you are thinking of sympathizing then don’t. I have already overcome it and I am glad that I had experienced it.

I won’t go into all the details but just to keep it short, It was just after my mom died this guy was staying at our house as a friend because his office was far from his house and our house was near. Many things happened, it became verbal, then physical abuse. He had frustration over me about certain things, the biggest issue was I never got sexually involved with him. He also had an issue that my best friend is a guy. I was tortured on a daily basis. He burnt my feet once then there are several cut marks on my left arm which he did with the knife. There is a mark of a stab of the left arm beside the bullet mark. Often my classmates would point out fingerprints on my neck, arms. He hit on my arms, legs but never on my face. He had an issue when I accomplished something, he showed me off as a trophy, and he behaved as if he owned me. At least I am lucky he never raped me to be extremely honest. Later things got bad and I had to tell my dad.

In 2016 when my dad died and after 20 days when everyone came to know that, he contacted me via email. He mocked my father’s death and said that I deserved to be an orphan. Usually, it is impossible to hurt me but those words affected me. I slit my wrist and tried to drown myself in my bathtub but I was saved. It was as if those words stuck in my head and again I tried to commit suicide again by gulping sleeping pills. I was saved again. I became suicidal. I tried talking to my senior doctors but I could not speak out about my problems with them. A good friend of mine counselled me.

I never knew that being in a relationship with a narcissist would affect me so bad. He is the reason that now no matter how much pain is inflicted upon me they don’t hurt me anymore. He stopped contacting me after my accident in May ’17.

Picture by Erastus McCart

Narcissistic relationships tend to be very challenging. Narcissistic partners usually have difficulty really loving someone else, because they don’t truly love themselves.  They are so focused on themselves that they cannot really “see” their partner as a separate person.  Ending a relationship with a narcissist is incredibly difficult, for many reasons. 


Narcissistic partners don’t want to let their prey go easily. I believe that there is no point in running away from a narcissistic partner, just face them. No matter what just face them for your sake atleast.

I guess, that’s all for today.

Stay safe, take care.

Me in 2013
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Difference between Psychopath and Sociopath

I actually never thought that I will write on this topic. I came up with this topic after researching. This idea was triggered by Mr. David Elliott from The single dad’s guide to life when on my post “How to deal with a broken heart” he commented this…
Mr. Elliott is a great person with lovely ideas and I have been a great fan of his earlier works as well.




The names psychopath and sociopath may sound similar because both of them have similar qualities but yet they are different from each other. A psychopath is a person experiencing an endless mental issue with unusual or vicious social conduct and a sociopath is a person with an identity issue showing itself in extraordinary standoffish states of mind and conduct.

Psychopathy can be thought of as a more extreme type of sociopathy with more manifestations. In this manner, all psychopaths are sociopaths yet sociopaths are not really psychopaths. According to the introduction of one with psychopathy or sociopathy varies. As per Kelly McAleer, Psy.D,

“The psychopath is callous, yet charming. He or she will con and manipulate others with charisma and intimidation and can effectively mimic feelings to present as “normal” to society. The psychopath is organized in their criminal thinking and behavior, and can maintain good emotional and physical control, displaying little to no emotional or autonomic arousal, even under situations that most would find threatening or horrifying. The psychopath is keenly aware that what he or she is doing is wrong, but does not care.

“Conversely, the sociopath is less organized in his or her demeanor; he or she might be nervous, easily agitated, and quick to display anger. A sociopath is more likely to spontaneously act out in inappropriate ways without thinking through the consequences. Compared to the psychopath, the sociopath will not be able to move through society committing callous crimes as easily, as they can form attachments and often have ‘normal temperaments.’ . . .”

As per the Society for the Study of Psychopathy, psychopath characteristics includes:

Absence of regret

Absence of compassion

Absence of profound enthusiastic connections

Narcissism

Shallow appeal

Untruthfulness

Manipulativeness

Heedless hazard taking

However, a sociopath is diagnosed at the age of 18 and their traits include:

Rehashed infringement of the law

Inescapable lying and double dealing

Physical forcefulness

Heedless negligence for security of self or others

Steady flightiness in work and family conditions

Absence of regret

Over Protective towards the one they care for

At last, I would just say that Psychopaths and Sociopaths both are harmful to society. Despite the fact that psychopaths and sociopaths both are fit for carrying out terrible wrongdoings, however, sociopaths are caring about them with whom they have a bond. They will harm themselves but not the person they love or care about. Sociopaths befriend very fewer people and the one they trust they protect them with all their life even if it means by hurting own self.

Well, that was one heck of an information isn’t it?

Though I am ending it here but there is more to know, learn and study on this topic. And I would love to thank Mr. Elliott again for this great idea. Check out The Single Dad’s Guide to Life if you are already bored with my mental health studies.

I will see you again soon. Till then, Take Care and Stay safe.

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How does Heartbreak Affect a Girl?

Heartbreak is painful because when your heart is broken, it can feel like the apocalypse. No measure of torment has ever felt so anguishing or thought. It resembles a monster opening was pulverized into your chest, with no expectation of fix. A lady who once had her heart broken can figure out how to pardon, truly, however, she will always remember how a broken heart feels. I was recently talking to some good friends of mine Dalene from Dalene Ekirapa from Dalene Ekirapa and Karen from Karen Monica with whom I have done certain previous projects earlier about it and I asked about their input on it and what they said was interesting.

Dalene says

For first lovers, upon suffering a heartbreak, you may find yourself disliking men, most men of the same niche as your ex boyfriend. A case where a boyfriend cheats on you, going to the next relationship, you will have this prior suspicion the guy will also do the same to you.

Most times we lack appetite for food, we feel we’re good, we deprive ourselves food, my advice, eat, even if you don’t feel like, don’t trust your guts, you know the importance of healthy eating and drinking of water. Remember life has to go on. You’ll soon get over it and you’ll need to be healthy to do your routines.

Sure, you may feel like you deserve to die, like you should kill the nerd, don’t trust yourself again. Seek advice from the few you have around.

If you want to get over it quickly, be as much open about it, to anyone you feel like, care less about who they’ll tell, be intentional, your aim is to get over it. Talking is by far the best therapy ever. You may shed 2-4 tears if you feel like. But never cry alone in a lonely room, it’ll dehydrate you.

Dalene Ekirapa

Karen Says

To me, every heartbreak sucks at the beginning. It not only drains you
emotionally but it hurts you physically as well. You are at the point
where you feel that you have just lost everything (that may not be the
truth in reality) but that is how the mind reacts when you get rejected.

You feel so unmotivated. It is like the world has shut you out. You look around and you feel that everyone is happy except you. You just want to be
by yourself in a room and cry your heart out. And that gets you down even
more.

Heartbreak is an emotional chaos. Your stress levels starts to soar high.
You would avoid looking at yourself in the mirror because you look like a
mess.

But all that usually happens only at the beginning phase of a heartbreak.
Once you get to overcome that roller coaster period, you will start to see
a newer you.

Slowly the emotional and physical pain will start to heal. The stress
levels will go back to normal. You will feel emotionally stronger. The
world will start to look like a much better place. You will be inspired to
improve your life.

I believe that each heartbreak will nurture you to be a better and
stronger person. You are still smiling and standing after all that
emotional chaos, aren’t you?

Karen Monica

Well, to be honest Karen’s question made me question myself and then I came up with ideas how to deal with it, of course we all handle our heartbreaks in our own way but the one I am about to mention here are the one which will help you with the grief of heartbreak.

Take it each day by itself.

Or on the other hand, hell, one breath at any given moment. One minute on end. When I was down and crushed, I couldn’t envision how on the planet I would endure, not to mention do basically everything that I knew was coming. Contemplating what’s to come was completely overpowering. I couldn’t do it. Rather, I simply focused on single days. The present was excruciating, yet I remained there. I remained with the agony as it ebbed and moved as the days progressed. What’s more, the days crawled by, everyone a little triumph.

Connect.

Web stories can be great, yet it’s your friends and family will’s identity a gift from heaven during melancholy. Try not to delay to contact your loved ones quickly when something disastrous has happened.

During my first break up (the only break up which hurt me) my mom was already dead so I talked to my dad, and a few of my close friends soon after my break up. They couldn’t influence the agony to leave, yet they tuned in and said what they could. I realized I was thought about. I realized they were concerned. Feeling that adoration advised me that I wasn’t useless. I was as yet the same me.

Discover comfort in music.

After the split, I sat in an airplane terminal, tuning in to “Hurt” by Johnny Cash, crying discreetly to myself as neglectful individuals strolled by. It felt great to give it a chance to out. It was a piece of my recuperating procedure. Music was another consistent, something that wouldn’t disappoint me. I think I presumably tuned in to each tragic melody I’d at any point heard. It wasn’t an approach to feel frustrated about myself (OK, perhaps a bit) as much as other methods for realizing I wasn’t the only one. It was a method for feeling all the more powerfully the torment in the tunes and verses of others, a method for sympathizing with them and realizing they saw how I felt as well.

Keep up your daily routine

This was maybe the hardest activity after what occurred—come back to my everyday practice. Truly, I had a craving for securing myself a dim stay with ten pounds of dessert and sucking my thumb for the following couple of months. It didn’t appear to be conceivable to come back to my everyday life. In any case, I did, and sooner or later, I understood that it was my standard that was restoring my feeling of direction. In reality, doing things took my psyche off of the gap in my chest and helped me to remember my esteem.

Accept.

It takes a specific proportion of confidence to fall into a dark opening of torment, grab around carelessly for some time, and in the long run develop. My circumstance felt without anything positive. It appeared as though there was nothing to hang my cap on. However, someplace, profound inside me, I figured out how to discover the mettle to trust that things would be better once more. I trusted that life would not neglect me. I trusted I could endure the hardship, and following a couple of months, the skyline didn’t look so distressing any longer. I started to leave the past where it was intended to be—behind me—and to discover fulfillment in the present.

Well at the end, I would just say that maybe it is hard to move on but not impossible.

I would love to know your thoughts too about this so let me know.

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How to know that you are manipulated in a relationship?

Emotional control in a relationship is more typical than you may suspect it is. It does not just occur in explicitly harsh connections, dissimilar to what a few people might want to think. It very well may be something as little as your accomplice driving you to dependably do what they need when you all are as one. In any case, it can mean something progressively genuine. You may not know it, however, they might control you to scrutinize your very own recollections.

There are some points which I have figured out, which here I have pointed out here.

They use this sentence, “Only if you loved me” to get their things done.

I mean seriously? Now when you are not getting your work done you are using this emotional manipulating stuff to get your work done.

They play Victim

They will play the role of victim and make you the offender. I will tell you an experience of mine. My first boyfriend, who was also my lover started staying at my place. He used to torture me, physically and mentally because he wanted to have sex with me and I did not want to. What his friends knew was that I seeing my best friend and I was torturing him.

They try and provoke every time they get a chance

They try and provoke you whenever they get to know that you are about to understand their game.

You are emotionally blackmailed

They might even threaten by saying that they will kill themselves (truly, this happens more every now and again than you can think of) – it can get exceptionally emotional with an individual like this. They likewise will, in general, be individuals who continually prefer to advise you that they will pass on without you, and make you feel claustrophobic in the relationship.

They always make you have a feeling that you owe them something

They will remember everything they did for you and just for once you are busy with your own life or having a good time without them they will bring it up.

Whenever you call out on them for their mistakes they will claim that you are overreacting.

These are the same kind of people who love to provoke you. Denying that your justified response to something is, indeed, you going overboard is a masterstroke in making light of their own fault.

They call you oversensitive and selfish.

These are the grown up versions of the bullies we had in school and colleges. They can say something obtrusively chauvinist or out and out destructive and hope to escape with everything by saying, “Figure out how to take a joke!” It can be anything like pressurizing you to watch films and shows of their choice even if you don’t like the movie or actor or whatsoever, heading off to a restaurant of their choice, or any other. And once you speak up for yourself, boom, the blame game begins.

Raising voice when they do not get their way.

This is common thing, they bring their voice up in contentions, as well as remind you how humiliating it is that the neighbors can hear you all battle. Inevitably, you feel too depleted to even consider carrying one with the battles, so you quit standing up to.

Being critical

They once in a while ever have anything positive to state. What’s more regrettable is that they request that you accept it as helpful input, when it is a long way from it. They wear you out with their consistent stream of cynicism. On the off chance that you endeavor to address them about it, watch the response! They can dish it out yet they won’t take it.

The biggest point is that, when they are finally done with you or bored with you They use your points against you.

I was thinking to write this post ever since a long time but I was sure after I saw Dr. Antonio Borrello’s video on ‘Sneaky games men use to use to manipulate you’. Those of you do not know he is a well-known and obviously my favorite YouTuber on dating and relationships. He always has scientific reasons. His username is Antonio Borrello so you may subscribe him on YouTube.

Have you faced anything like this in your relationships? Let me know in comments.

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Speak Up!

Incident 1

She: Why do I have to text you always? Why isn’t there any initiation from your side?

He: I have been really busy.

She: You are always busy. Sorry for bothering you.

He: I never said that you bother me. I am sorry if I have made you feel so.

She: You know what love, you have changed.

He: Love, I am really trying not to.

She: Take Care.

Incident 2

He: Look, I am not an insomniac like you are. I just can’t.

She: Did I ever ask you to?

He: No you never asked but you always wanted it.

She: Don’t misinterpret me. I know you have a hard life but I work too.

He: You actually never understood me.

She (hurt): If that makes you happy, then fine.

And then she stopped texting him. All because she felt she was ignored and she was tired of getting hurt. Whereas he remained confused that where he went wrong, he never wanted to hurt her.

Now………….. You must be thinking that the guy got bored with her. Believe me, she might have thought the same. Maybe his feelings vanished and he was unaware of that.

It is very natural, it happens. The thing which those two did not understand that disappeared between them was communication. He should have simply conveyed to her whatever was going on his mind but he did not open up no matter whatever the reasons had been. And she remained stubborn because it would hurt her ego too for further argument. As a result, she was hurt enough to walk away, and he kept on misunderstanding her. A story that could have a beautiful climax had a painful ending.

Look we like people, fall in love, sometimes feelings stay, sometimes it vanishes, unwillingly may be. Rollo May said in one of his quotes, “Communication leads to community, that is, to understanding, intimacy and mutual valuing.”. So rather than avoiding the other person speak up whatever is going on your mind because communication can solve any problem and it gives a closure too. A closure is imperative so that every individual can grieve and afterward proceed on with their lives.

 
 

 

One suggestion to everyone, no matter what you feel, what you want to do just SPEAK UP! Do not keep a person hanging because it may affect them in a way where their self-confidence may get affected.

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I think that is all for today on withlovemoni today for you all.  Try not to hurt anyone, because not everybody is strong enough as they might claim to be.

Take care

Oh, by the way, check out David Elliott’s blog Single Dad’s guide to life because I am extremely thankful to him for the dialogues I used here above, all the credit for the dialogues goes to him and he is too lovely.

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