How is it to Live With a Narcissist?

Similarity and collaboration among narcissism and bipolar vainglory. Somebody who presents with narcissistic identity attributes can be hard to recognize from somebody who is encountering mellow to direct hypomania (bipolar inclination rise less intense than full craziness) with the pompous view of self.

Now I have a very great experience with a narcissist, and I am just sharing this to clarify how these people exactly function. But if you are thinking of sympathizing then don’t. I have already overcome it and I am glad that I had experienced it.

I won’t go into all the details but just to keep it short, It was just after my mom died this guy was staying at our house as a friend because his office was far from his house and our house was near. Many things happened, it became verbal, then physical abuse. He had frustration over me about certain things, the biggest issue was I never got sexually involved with him. He also had an issue that my best friend is a guy. I was tortured on a daily basis. He burnt my feet once then there are several cut marks on my left arm which he did with the knife. There is a mark of a stab of the left arm beside the bullet mark. Often my classmates would point out fingerprints on my neck, arms. He hit on my arms, legs but never on my face. He had an issue when I accomplished something, he showed me off as a trophy, and he behaved as if he owned me. At least I am lucky he never raped me to be extremely honest. Later things got bad and I had to tell my dad.

In 2016 when my dad died and after 20 days when everyone came to know that, he contacted me via email. He mocked my father’s death and said that I deserved to be an orphan. Usually, it is impossible to hurt me but those words affected me. I slit my wrist and tried to drown myself in my bathtub but I was saved. It was as if those words stuck in my head and again I tried to commit suicide again by gulping sleeping pills. I was saved again. I became suicidal. I tried talking to my senior doctors but I could not speak out about my problems with them. A good friend of mine counselled me.

I never knew that being in a relationship with a narcissist would affect me so bad. He is the reason that now no matter how much pain is inflicted upon me they don’t hurt me anymore. He stopped contacting me after my accident in May ’17.

Picture by Erastus McCart

Narcissistic relationships tend to be very challenging. Narcissistic partners usually have difficulty really loving someone else, because they don’t truly love themselves.  They are so focused on themselves that they cannot really “see” their partner as a separate person.  Ending a relationship with a narcissist is incredibly difficult, for many reasons. 


Narcissistic partners don’t want to let their prey go easily. I believe that there is no point in running away from a narcissistic partner, just face them. No matter what just face them for your sake atleast.

I guess, that’s all for today.

Stay safe, take care.

Me in 2013
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How to Deal with a Broken Heart

Many of us have been through bad relationships. Some had dated narcissists and some had dated psychopaths and some had dated normal people but the relationship became toxic. Today here we will talk about the relationships with narcissists and psychopaths. First of all, let me tell you, these people are not at all perfect for relationships. These individuals are not your ordinary accomplice. They suffer from trauma deeper than anyone can only imagine. Consequently, being involved with a narcissist or a sociopath will definitely exchange their sufferings to you. Such a relationship crushes you from inside and, when you have acknowledged what harm has been done, it’s past the point where it is possible to leave. Be that as it may, it doesn’t mean you can’t return to your earlier self – you can, however, it requires a lot of exertion!

Let me be honest, I have been with both kind of people, a psychopath and a narcissist, I lost myself with time. I was so afraid of meeting new people that I used to push them away. I told people that I’m a sociopath (they believed it. Lol) until I met the right man recently. As I have from my past experiences I have jotted the issues which I had faced, and some I face till now.

But before I start putting up the points let me tell you that it is not easy to recognize the toxic or harmful relationship they are persevering until the point that their limit. Envision remaining in a relationship where you are persuaded that you would be hopeless without the other. You are constantly blameworthy of something, you are being disgraced and called awkward– all the pessimism which nobody merits. What they make you feel lives profound inside you and can have a consistently enduring effect.

So here is how you will feel even when you have been successful in drifting apart from your narcissistic partner.

Unable to trust

When you extraordinarily trust somebody and that trust breaks, you think that it is difficult to return to that equivalent dimension of trust. This doubt reaches out past the individual who caused it – you end up dubious of nearly everybody around you.

Incapable to Love

No one loves being utilized. It feels dreadful acknowledging you have been there for somebody through various challenges, however, the sum total of what they have been doing is utilizing you to support their inner self and narcissism. It is the thing that happens when you are involved with narcissistic individuals – they make it seem as though it is your inadequacy which divided them. You don’t feel sufficient and always feel like you don’t merit anybody’s affection or time. Also, when you feel so terrible about your own-self, how might you like others and discover them loveable?

Feeling Empty from Inside

When you have been enamored with somebody, you feel a void inside yourself when you separation. It’s as though you have given a bit of yourself to another person. In this way, when you are involved with a narcissist and give them all that you can, you would feel extremely void. In spite of knowing the way that the person was harmful, you would miss him since you were genuine with him from the beginning. You would feel like in the event that you begin another relationship, you would wind up nevertheless.

But as time passes you will learn some new things too.

Time is the best healer

Nothing changes medium-term and an effect as extreme as the one a narcissist will abandon, it will request a massive measure of time before things return to ordinary. You should stay ardent and enable yourself to dispose of the poisonous quality that the past relationship drew on you. Your mind should be available to changes and grasp the way that all the awful stuff is previously and you have to proceed onward.

Figure out how to love yourself once more

Keep in mind, mending begins from self-esteem. It is presumably the best of remedies for everything, particularly to feel commendable. Just when you cherish yourself will you have the capacity to adore others? You have to deal with yourself first and after that consider others. It will resemble finding yourself once more!

Believe in yourself

Since a narcissist or psychopath would make you feel terrible about your own self and contemptible, you should trust in yourself. You should think about the way that you endure a staggering relationship and that you are sufficiently able to persevere through these occasions. Maybe you will turn out more grounded and stronger than at any other time. The key is to have confidence in your own quality.

Remember one thing, even though it might seem as if it is the end of the world, and you will not be the same person again. But remember that it is all a part of life and now at least you away from danger.

I guess that’s enough from my side for today, see you soon again.

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The Whistler’s Prey in Venezuela

There’s an urban legend in Venezuela surrounding “El Silbón” (The Whistler), a figure known in the wetland fields and prairies areas called “Llanos.” The Whistler is typically depicted as an extremely starved man wearing cowpoke’s clothes, with a wide overflow cap that shrouds his skeletal face. He wanders the wide open and fixes of shrubbery during the evening, his shoulders hanging, his look cast descending. He conveys an overwhelming pack loaded with bones and half-deteriorated stays over his back.

Consistent with his name, the element ceaselessly shrieks a high harmony movement (C-D-E-F-G-A-B-C) that runs higher tuned in to each note. He is likewise unnaturally tall and solid, with a few records portraying him as overshadowing six meters (just about 20 feet) in tallness.

 

His inception isn’t clear, with a few stories giving him a role as a detestable parricide. He’s reputed to go after solitary voyagers, particularly alcoholic or unfaithful men. Legend has it, his foreboding shriek is all of a sudden heard uproarious and close, yet the source can’t be pinpointed. In spite of rationale, when the sound brings down and seems more inaccessible, the Whistler is exceptionally close. He slaughters either by choking or by dull power injury, eating up his unfortunate casualties and tossing the bones in his sack. He can be seen sometimes swimming over the high dividers of haciendas. Supplication is said to keep him away.

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How to know that you are manipulated in a relationship?

Emotional control in a relationship is more typical than you may suspect it is. It does not just occur in explicitly harsh connections, dissimilar to what a few people might want to think. It very well may be something as little as your accomplice driving you to dependably do what they need when you all are as one. In any case, it can mean something progressively genuine. You may not know it, however, they might control you to scrutinize your very own recollections.

There are some points which I have figured out, which here I have pointed out here.

They use this sentence, “Only if you loved me” to get their things done.

I mean seriously? Now when you are not getting your work done you are using this emotional manipulating stuff to get your work done.

They play Victim

They will play the role of victim and make you the offender. I will tell you an experience of mine. My first boyfriend, who was also my lover started staying at my place. He used to torture me, physically and mentally because he wanted to have sex with me and I did not want to. What his friends knew was that I seeing my best friend and I was torturing him.

They try and provoke every time they get a chance

They try and provoke you whenever they get to know that you are about to understand their game.

You are emotionally blackmailed

They might even threaten by saying that they will kill themselves (truly, this happens more every now and again than you can think of) – it can get exceptionally emotional with an individual like this. They likewise will, in general, be individuals who continually prefer to advise you that they will pass on without you, and make you feel claustrophobic in the relationship.

They always make you have a feeling that you owe them something

They will remember everything they did for you and just for once you are busy with your own life or having a good time without them they will bring it up.

Whenever you call out on them for their mistakes they will claim that you are overreacting.

These are the same kind of people who love to provoke you. Denying that your justified response to something is, indeed, you going overboard is a masterstroke in making light of their own fault.

They call you oversensitive and selfish.

These are the grown up versions of the bullies we had in school and colleges. They can say something obtrusively chauvinist or out and out destructive and hope to escape with everything by saying, “Figure out how to take a joke!” It can be anything like pressurizing you to watch films and shows of their choice even if you don’t like the movie or actor or whatsoever, heading off to a restaurant of their choice, or any other. And once you speak up for yourself, boom, the blame game begins.

Raising voice when they do not get their way.

This is common thing, they bring their voice up in contentions, as well as remind you how humiliating it is that the neighbors can hear you all battle. Inevitably, you feel too depleted to even consider carrying one with the battles, so you quit standing up to.

Being critical

They once in a while ever have anything positive to state. What’s more regrettable is that they request that you accept it as helpful input, when it is a long way from it. They wear you out with their consistent stream of cynicism. On the off chance that you endeavor to address them about it, watch the response! They can dish it out yet they won’t take it.

The biggest point is that, when they are finally done with you or bored with you They use your points against you.

I was thinking to write this post ever since a long time but I was sure after I saw Dr. Antonio Borrello’s video on ‘Sneaky games men use to use to manipulate you’. Those of you do not know he is a well-known and obviously my favorite YouTuber on dating and relationships. He always has scientific reasons. His username is Antonio Borrello so you may subscribe him on YouTube.

Have you faced anything like this in your relationships? Let me know in comments.

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Things to do before you turn 26

First of all, wish you all a very lovely Happy New Year, may all your dreams come true this year. Here goes my gift for everyone.

Please don’t laugh at the music.

My last 3 years have not been good but 2018 ended on a good note so I guess 2019 should go well but I am panicked too because I am getting one year older. I mean this year in May I will turn 26 years old, and I am afraid of that. I guess I am not yet ready to feel old. However, I have prepared this list of things you should do before turning 26.

Buy Dinner for Your Parents

I know you can do it after 25 too, but within 25 hopefully, you start working and taking them out will make them feel good. I do not have parents. I could never do it for my mother, but for dad I did it.

Party During the Whole Weekend

It sounds crazy, but it feels good because with time responsibilities in life increases. Doing an “all weekender” can be more difficult as you get old.

Start Saving for Your Retirement

It may seem a long way off still, but not a bad deal. your retired you will thank you. 😉

Go for an Impulse Buy

You may not use it but it can be a reward to yourself. Sometimes a little bit of craziness is good.

Go on a Blind Date

To be honest I have never done it and I feel bad now. I know I can do it even now but I do not get the thrill of doing it anymore.

Learn to Let Go

It can be anything, friendship, love, anything because nothing is permanent. Some people come into our lives and exist for different reasons at different times. Holding on to a relationship or anything that has run its course doesn’t do either of you any favors. So spare yourself.

Try Going to a Lesbian/Gay Club or Bar

I have many bisexual, lesbian/gay friends and they are way too good. I am also a member of some LGBTTQQIAAP (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, transsexual, queer, questioning, intersex, asexual, ally, pansexual) groups and clubs and trust me in spite of knowing that I am heterosexual I am equally loved by them.

Learn to Live Alone

Our association with ourselves is the most vital one of our lives; we won’t invest as much energy with any other person! Figuring out how to appreciate our very own conversation and appreciate being separated from everyone else is precious on such a significant number of levels.

I love wolves

These are completely what I feel and think, maybe you think differently than I do as everyone’s thought process is not the same. Always remember in life even the smallest thing matters.

By the way, did I miss out on any point or idea? Let me know in the comments.

Hope to see you soon. Till then, Stay safe, Take care.

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Why did I stop Dating

After reading this topic many might think that I will blabber the same thing that the guys I dated had this issue or that issue but no, this is different. I have dated a heck lot of men but it did not work out. It has been 2 years since I have stopped dating and here goes the prime reasons.

Somewhere in Sardinia

Touch me Not: When someone likes someone (regardless of gender) and they date obviously they want to touch, kiss the other person. In my case, I do not like anyone touching or kissing. I do not even prefer holding hands. Leave alone in reality not even virtually (if you can understand what I mean). I know it sounds weird but I am not at all comfortable.

Being ‘Extra’ Sweet: Of course, people love when the other person is being sweet to them or wants to know all about them. I am ok with that but when it comes to texting or calling that too 24*7 asking “Honey, you had lunch”, “Honey had dinner?” honey this, honey that; I am NOT okay. C’mon give me a break! I do not think this is sweet, according to me this is stalking. I mean now if I have to go to washroom do I need to tell the other person. This is utterly a shit and I do not tolerate this.

Behavioral Change: I have noticed this thing in men and women both when they want someone they would do anything so that they like them back and once it happens all of a sudden they become way too busy. I understand people might have busy lives and my schedule is an example for the ones who know me but if someone really means something to you no matter how busy you are you will find out a little time for them. If you cannot give them your precious time better STAY AWAY! In my case even after warning for several times if I still see that the person is coming up with excuses, no matter how much I like him, I walk away.

Overly Possessive: We all know being a little bit possessive is alright, but overly possessive? Trust me, IT SUCKS…! During my college days, I was dating a guy who had a problem with whenever anyone called me over the phone and my call went on waiting mode, even if it was my dad. I was made to cut contacts with all my friends and I was not even allowed to talk to my girl-friends. Very soon he got on my nerves and I dumped him.

Do NOT tell me what to do: Just because someone is dating me or I am dating someone that does not give us the right to interfere in our personal matters or family matters unless asked for. Try doing this and you are straight out of sight and out of mind.

Don’t ask me: I expect people to understand me rather than asking me. Yes there might be misunderstandings but if I really care about someone I would clarify it or give explanation. If I dont care enough then, “Get lost dude”.

Why Me? : People change, I do agree with that but why do I have to call or text someone always. When they wanted me and my time, they never got bored with me or had time for me during ‘their’ busy hours but now no time? Isn’t it simply great? As one of my blogging friend Daisy, told me once, “If a man wants you, he’ll call, he’ll text, he’ll cross the oceans and be there for you. Everything else is just an excuse.”, this is very true. Darling, you expect me to do it then why can’t you?

So in my case whenever this happens I observe them for a week then solely stop contacting or I make sure that they just ‘damn’ leave. It hurts, yes but mental peace is way more important to me. But once again, of course, I am not cutting them out of my life, I just cannot hurt my self-respect anymore. I am there for them if they need me because I know them. I know a lot of people, I just don’t make friends.

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See, I know I have issues and I accept them. All men are not as bad as often pictured, yes there are issues from both the sides and maybe we all are right from our own point of view. However, I always say that I am not good. Some say I am paranoid and some say that I may have an inferiority complex but I do not have any, I just accept myself the way I am. I can’t say sugar coated words, I can’t be pretentious. If that makes me bad then yes I am. 

However, I also believe that if 2 people are meant to be together nothing can come between them. No matter how bad the time is or how much complicated you are.

So be you. Accept yourself the way you are. Love yourself with all your complications because believe me no one on earth can love you more than you can.

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3 things that I have learned the hard way

1: Time Management is Necessary

A good time management is always necessary as it lets you complete or accomplish more in a short period of time, which as a result will give you a lot of time for yourself. And ‘me’ time is very necessary as you can pamper yourself, think of what to do next, pursue your hobbies and most importantly you can spend a quality time with your friends and beloved ones.

2: Your Problem is Your Problem None of Others Problem

Indians after reading this point it can recollect Daisy Shah’s famously trolled dialogue from Race 3, “Our business is our business. None of your business”. However coming back to the point, whatever problems you have in your life they are completely yours. People might listen to your issues if you share it with them but only very few will understand. You are the only person who needs to deal with your issues. No one will understand your pain or issues as you do.

3: Learn to Say No

Saying No is very important because when you constantly say yes or agree with someone they tend to take you for granted, which is not good at all. You can say ‘No’ without being rude too. Remember, at the end of the day loving yourself is most important and saying yes and then stressing over it will only make you sick.

Monidipa Dutta

That’s all from my side today on withlovemoni.com. See you soon again.

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