Speak Up!

Incident 1

She: Why do I have to text you always? Why isn’t there any initiation from your side?

He: I have been really busy.

She: You are always busy. Sorry for bothering you.

He: I never said that you bother me. I am sorry if I have made you feel so.

She: You know what love, you have changed.

He: Love, I am really trying not to.

She: Take Care.

Incident 2

He: Look, I am not an insomniac like you are. I just can’t.

She: Did I ever ask you to?

He: No you never asked but you always wanted it.

She: Don’t misinterpret me. I know you have a hard life but I work too.

He: You actually never understood me.

She (hurt): If that makes you happy, then fine.

And then she stopped texting him. All because she felt she was ignored and she was tired of getting hurt. Whereas he remained confused that where he went wrong, he never wanted to hurt her.

Now………….. You must be thinking that the guy got bored with her. Believe me, she might have thought the same. Maybe his feelings vanished and he was unaware of that.

It is very natural, it happens. The thing which those two did not understand that disappeared between them was communication. He should have simply conveyed to her whatever was going on his mind but he did not open up no matter whatever the reasons had been. And she remained stubborn because it would hurt her ego too for further argument. As a result, she was hurt enough to walk away, and he kept on misunderstanding her. A story that could have a beautiful climax had a painful ending.

Look we like people, fall in love, sometimes feelings stay, sometimes it vanishes, unwillingly may be. Rollo May said in one of his quotes, “Communication leads to community, that is, to understanding, intimacy and mutual valuing.”. So rather than avoiding the other person speak up whatever is going on your mind because communication can solve any problem and it gives a closure too. A closure is imperative so that every individual can grieve and afterward proceed on with their lives.

 
 

 

One suggestion to everyone, no matter what you feel, what you want to do just SPEAK UP! Do not keep a person hanging because it may affect them in a way where their self-confidence may get affected.

Copyright: withlovemoni.com

I think that is all for today on withlovemoni today for you all.  Try not to hurt anyone, because not everybody is strong enough as they might claim to be.

Take care

Oh, by the way, check out David Elliott’s blog Single Dad’s guide to life because I am extremely thankful to him for the dialogues I used here above, all the credit for the dialogues goes to him and he is too lovely.

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216 thoughts on “Speak Up!

  1. Avatar
    Krish says:

    Lovely article…yes speaking up.is necessary to keep a relation healthy and going…keeping the feelings pent up won’t help..
    Gid bless

  2. Avatar
    David Elliott says:

    I honestly don’t know what to say here. Yes, a conversation is so important when it comes to being able to build something together. I think many things come down to value and what we value, whether it be ego, or the ability to build something. Distance makes for more fraught communication. And it makes for more easily being misunderstood.

  3. Avatar
    Peter says:

    Communication is important, yes. But if you have to ask these questions you either don’t know your partner, or you don’t read people well.

  4. Avatar
    Tiffany La Forge-Grau says:

    Communication has to go both ways. He shouldn’t string her along if he doesn’t have any feelings anymore. She deserves someone who is going to love every moment with her, not one who’s going to ignore her and complain constantly.

  5. Avatar
    Danielle says:

    I agree that it is so important to speak up and get your point across. No one will know what you have to say unless you actually say it.

  6. Avatar
    Stacie says:

    I really, I mean really, love this post. I have seen so many relationships go down in flames due to lack of communication. Both sides are frustrated because it seems to them that the other side should see what is so obviously in front of them. So rather than talk it out, they both dig in and think, “If they can’t see this, then they don’t care about me.”

  7. Avatar
    Tisha says:

    Totally agree with your thoughts on communication! It’s always good to speak up, sometimes there are misunderstandings, but in true community that will work itself out the more communicate.

  8. Avatar
    Scott Gombar says:

    I actually went through a similar thing. The woman I dated before my now wife (over 10 years ago) would say the same thing to me. At the time I was working full time and starting a business. I was working 80+ hours per week and had a tween daughter who I saw in my spare time. It’s not always what it seems.

  9. Avatar
    Laurence says:

    Aww, heartbreaking..Communication is they key to great relationship. Sometimes we are so busy to other things that we forgot give some time to the important people in our life

  10. Avatar
    Sophie says:

    Good communication is key to a successful relationship; and not just romantic ones. All relationships are built on communication.

  11. Avatar
    Azlin Bloor says:

    A very thoughtful post, Moni. And you are so right, oftentimes, people just need to talk, and so much can be resolved. I think though that this isn’t always easy, as not everyone feels comfortable to do so.

  12. Avatar
    Fiona Cambouropoulos says:

    That conversation made me smile, it could be my kids texting boyfriends and girlfriends. Girls and boys are different with different expectations and speaking up is the only way for both parties to really know where they stand.

  13. Avatar
    Emma Riley says:

    Such a very insightful post. All I can say is in terms of having a good relationship is you need to talk, communication is the key for it.

  14. Avatar
    Nabanita says:

    Makes sense. Often people break up or go separate ways when they don’t communicate but it’s too late before they understand.

  15. Avatar
    Daphne says:

    We always forget to check on our “strong” friends when we are the ones usually going through so much. So I have to remember that I must remind myself that I have to let others know.

  16. Avatar
    Gervin Khan says:

    A very insightful story to read. Everyone always says that communication is the key in having a good relationship and without it your relationship will definitely becoming weak and weaker until it was broken.

  17. Avatar
    Andreea Gonzalez says:

    Totally agree with your thoughts on communication! It’s always good to speak up, so we can avoid misunderstandings.

  18. Avatar
    Andreea Gonzalez says:

    Totally agree with your thoughts on communication! It’s always good to speak up, so we can avoid misunderstandings,

  19. Avatar
    Aiai Damigo says:

    when i had my first boyfriend, i dont know what to do lol, i was paranoid and keep on messaging him, and i get mad when he cant answer my message. LOL the ending it ddnt work and we broke up.

  20. Avatar
    Sania says:

    Those chats reminds of my long distance before getting married, as with distance it becomes difficult to understand each other, but thank God no matter what we were clear to work out relationship and its been 6 months now we are married.

  21. Avatar
    Wendy Lemeric says:

    Yes! totally agree. Speak up. that’s my motto in my relationship. I never hide things, even the painful words – I speak whatever’s on my mind. I know that might not be good at times but it’s harder to keep everything inside.

  22. Avatar
    MELANIE EDJOURIAN says:

    Communication is the key to all good relationships. They breakdown when communication is not very good. I’d say from incident one the female was a little abrupt – if you analyse the conversation. Both need a good chat from the sound of it.

  23. Avatar
    Beth says:

    Your unique writing style captured my attention, and your message tugged at my heart. Thank you so much for sharing. I look forward to hearing more of what you have to say.

  24. Avatar
    Cris says:

    Love your post. Sometimes we get caught up so much in daily routine and problems, that we simply forget about communicating with the people we love!

  25. Avatar
    Catherine Santiago Jose says:

    Such a very interesting story and by reading this you will learn how important communication is. I can say that without it no issues or problem resolution and no one will understand you if you are not saying that things that you need to say.

  26. Avatar
    The Moonchasers says:

    Really like your style of writing. So simple yet engaging. Communication is so crucial in any relationship, felt good reading this Moni!

  27. Avatar
    Casey says:

    Communication is a two-way thing. I don’t think I can handle anyone in my life to treat me in that way. I do speak up when things are not right and you have to really…. before the situation go south.

  28. Avatar
    Alisha says:

    Lovely read. I do agree that communication is key to ANY relationship. Be it a spousal one, one of friendship, or other family members. If you don’t say anything, how can anyone understand what’s on your mind? I have been with my husband for over 15 years now, do you know how we keep the fire going? We talk to each other. We listen to each other. We pay attention to each other. That’s how it works. Of course, sometimes things just go sour due to stubbornness or lack of true commitment as well on either side.

  29. Avatar
    Lyosha says:

    I know such moments. I also get tired of people who don’t give back. It feels so unfair. I have a been a person who actually stopped caring and texting and not even once anything changed between me and that person.

  30. Avatar
    GiGi Eats says:

    I speak up ALL THE TIME. My husband and I SPEAK UP to one another ALWAYS too – which is why I believe our relationship is so strong. Whatever is on our minds, WE SAY – we don’t care if it potentially hurts the other because if it’s something negative, it’s something that genuinely needs said so the problem can be fixed!

  31. Avatar
    soonjoo says:

    Beautifully written! I agree communication in family and loved ones is the number one key to succeed in all relationships. It’s a beautiful words to express your emotions to each other.

  32. Avatar
    Hunny Bohra says:

    We can speak up all we want but sometimes when a guy doesn’t respond to your texts or when he doesn’t initiate something texting , it usually means he’s not interested. Atleast that’s my observation.

  33. Avatar
    Ya says:

    I love the way you wrote this, very insightful! Speaking up is Key, everyone should have a voice in a relationship. Communication is key.

  34. Avatar
    Alethea Middleton says:

    I think it’s interesting how much we demand from others but want to be accepted as we are. I don’t say this from a place of judgement, but personal experience. I had very high expectations of my husband early on that seemed like common sense priorities/communication. We are very different and I had to learn that sometimes we are basically speaking in two different languages.

  35. Avatar
    Angel says:

    Communication is probably one of the most important, if not THE important aspect of any successful relationship. When communication is lost, assumptions and hurt feelings arise so it is oh so crucial to learn this as soon as possible. In my marriage, thankfully, it is one of our strong suits and one that really gives us a solid relationship. Thank you for sharing this great tip!

  36. Avatar
    Lori says:

    Totally agree that communication is key. It’s really hard to initiate…but if you do, you may find out your partner feels the same way, and then you can set goals to work on problems together and ultimately become a stronger unit.

  37. Avatar
    Kim says:

    I so agree- two way communication is so important! Hold it all in only hinders a relationship and causes damage. Thank you for addressing this important topic!

  38. Avatar
    MAYSZ says:

    OMG!! I remember someone for this!! Please read my blog titled:Blue
    That person keep me hanging for no reasons. well it’s been a year and honestly it’s hard to moving forward for the reasons maybe he can message me someday “Stupid thinking!” well This is great great great post!!

  39. Avatar
    Pradnya says:

    Beautifully put! Better communication can solve most of the issues. Unfortunately more often than not we compensate the lack of this by putting more disciplines and rules in place.

  40. Avatar
    kumamonjeng says:

    I think relationship need to nurture and water it. Speak up, communicate in a nice way and stop all the wrong expectation. He or she both are busy and both needed love. Give more and expect less then it will be a happy ending.

  41. Avatar
    Luna S says:

    I agree communication is important and has to go both ways to help the relationship work and not make one person feel like they are the only one who cares and is putting in work.

  42. Avatar
    Mommy Sigrid says:

    A relationship between two people is a complicated yet beautiful thing. Even with my most devoted husband, there are just things that we don’t see eye to eye on. The important thing is that both people involved decide to stick it out no matter what because in the end, teammates who work together will prevail.

  43. Avatar
    Geraline Batarra says:

    I do believe that everyone needs to speak up whenever in needs most especially if there is something important that need to tell and need to know by someone. Communication is the key for everything!

  44. Avatar
    Waren Jean Go says:

    Yes communication is important but in this world speaking up about what you feel is a sign of weakness and neediness so some people just keep quite, like me. It’s a treacherous world after all.

  45. Avatar
    aisasami says:

    What great advice. Speaking up is important not only in relationships but also in everyday life: work, school, traveling, and etc. Letting people know what is going on when you having trouble is very important.

  46. Avatar
    Jesusa Gilliam says:

    Wow I love this! This is all very true, My husband I go through this from time to time. We both have our moments were we don’t want to open up, but when we do, we realize we a are arguing over something I misunderstood. Thank you for sharing.

  47. Avatar
    Nati says:

    Communication is among the most complex and also the most necessary things about human relations (and couples of course!!). I’ve been studying communication for years, and I came to a conclusion, our minds are separate universes and we are trying to express those universes with one single code: language. That’s why sometimes including other codes (visual art, music, body language, symbolic acts, etc) can be very helpful! But it doesn’t ensure a complete understanding of the other… unfortunately.

  48. Avatar
    Brittany Vantrease says:

    As an outside person looking in, I think the girl was just overreacting… I’ve been there and I’ve certainly done that. It’s tough when we feel like we’re giving our all into a relationship and it feels like the other person has given nothing, but not everyone knows how to talk their feelings or even understands when something is wrong.

    So, talk before giving up and make sure that the other person has understood what you mean. Don’t be subtle or passive about it either. Say what you mean to gt the point across.

  49. Avatar
    Jessica says:

    Speaking up to those to speak your feelings is so true!!! This is the only way others will understand you so you both can come to a mutual agreement and move on, or just the relief of speaking your feelings! Very important!

  50. Avatar
    Lindsay says:

    And this is why I prefer verbal communication to texting and email. There are so many ways text can be misconstrued. It’s so important to sit down and have a legitimate conversation. You make great points!

  51. Avatar
    Annemarie LeBlanc says:

    This post sounds like the phrase I remember from years back which goes, “we seem to be living alone together.” With or without a distance between couples, lack of communication can destroy a relationship. I agree with you – speaking up is very important to let others know how you feel.

  52. Avatar
    Fran Jorgensen says:

    Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I am a big believer in communication but sometimes we also need to make an effort and work in our relationships, it’s always easy to fall into the routine trap.

  53. Avatar
    Shar says:

    Love this post! Communication is key to any relationship and so many of us struggle with it… We all need to be brave and speak up so we can keep our relationships healthy 🙂

  54. Avatar
    One and Half backpacks says:

    Very true! I love this post and the way it is written. We had this problem at the beginning of our relationship with my boyfriend, where he did not speak very much and I thought he is not interested anymore. But we figured out how to talk to each other and how to give each other the space he needed. But first, you have to start talking…

  55. Avatar
    Karen Monica says:

    I can definitely relate to this. My previous relationship ended exactly this way. He chose to not speak up whatever was in his mind. I got tired of asking and waiting and finally decided to walk away. And to be honest I have no regrets because I have given him way too much chances to speak up but he just refused to do it.

  56. Avatar
    Nicole Walker says:

    Communication is such an important aspect of any relationship. I’ve been married for two years and sometimes still struggle. Making a conscious effort to speak up is such a big point of focus for me.

  57. Avatar
    blair villanueva says:

    Speaking up no is better than suffer the consequences. Conversation is important. Me and boyfriend are both busy people, and sometimes I don’t text him for a day and two! Good understanding is also important.

  58. Avatar
    Jessica says:

    I have voiced this on many occasions:Communication is everything. Although easy to say it is hard to do and I myself have also fallen short being clear about my thoughts and feelings, which is why situations like the one you wrote about happen more often than not.

  59. Avatar
    Sam says:

    Communication truly is key. Without it, relationships falter. Sometimes communication can lead to arguments, but it’s still important. I really like the quote you included.

  60. Avatar
    Akamatra says:

    I hate cryptic texts like that and usually I ignore them and drive up to the person, look them in the eye and talk to them straight. I don’t know and don’t want to know any other way.

  61. Avatar
    Candy Rachelle says:

    Great post! Communication is really important to any relationship we have. We need to speak out of what’s our problems or what. It is the way to solve any problems.

  62. Avatar
    Sayanti says:

    I think it is very important that we talk things out and sort all our misunderstandings. Every relationship should be like this, else you will always end up hurt

  63. Avatar
    Rahma Khan says:

    I have read a few of your posts before and just like all of them even this one was so thoughtful! Thank you so much for sharing

  64. Avatar
    Ruth says:

    This is all very true! I have been in situations like this before when I wished a person had communicated with me. It only ends badly if you don’t. Thank you for writing this 🙂 I really needed it.

  65. Avatar
    Surekha Busa says:

    Love this kind of post that can enlighten our mind in different situation. Communication thru text and voice is really a different and most of the times is misunderstood by the receiver.

  66. Avatar
    Astrid says:

    You bring up very good points here! Most people do not realize that they are hurting another with their actions. However, expecting for someone to be honest or open with you– that doesn’t value you in a relationship, is almost impossible.

  67. Avatar
    Elizabeth O says:

    Communication is very important thing to keep your relationship. Sometimes there’s a miscommunication that will lead to argument, but it’s normal. This will served as a great reminder to us, thanks for sharing!

  68. Avatar
    Kristine Nicole Alessandra says:

    We were given a voice to enable us to communicate what is in our hearts and mind. Although we are encouraged to speak up, we must still do it with tact to avoid hurting others.

  69. Avatar
    Rosey says:

    I have seen things like this happen. If we don’t communicate, we’re not giving our best in our relationship. We are hindering many things, for sure!

  70. Avatar
    Kiwi says:

    Its so easy to misinterpret people. She just wanted him to text more often and he was probably tired or going through something internal – funny I been through this before in my relationship and talking about it and saying how you truly feel helps so they can see where each other are both hurt and coming from.

  71. Avatar
    Denisha says:

    You made some excellent points in your post
    I think we have a tendency to withhold how we’re really feeling to avoid hurting our partner’s feelings. In the end, neither side wins.

  72. Avatar
    Sheena Moncatar says:

    This post just got me thinking, how can feelings vanish? There are a lot of factors and true, communication is the key. Speaking up is all but important in keeping the relationship.

  73. Avatar
    Michelle M says:

    It is definitely important to speak up and be honest in your relationships. If you don’t speak up how do you expect the other person to know what you’re thinking?

  74. Avatar
    Echo says:

    I have learned, in our marriage at least, that open and honest communication is key. We have to keep an open dialogue going with each other, otherwise we just get drowned out by the static.

    • Avatar
      blair villanueva says:

      Having an open communication in all kinds of relationship works. It is better to speak-up now that erupt your thoughts like a volcano.

  75. Avatar
    Michele Dennis says:

    Yes! Speak up! Communication is key in any and all relationships, whether they are romantic, family or just friendly. Many relationships have ended simply because they never took the time to communicate and speak up…

  76. Avatar
    Monique Cláudia says:

    Communication is the key to everything! Been working on my communication skills because I’m a really shy person and sometimes I close myself and hurt when I could just talk and find a solution to the problem.

  77. Avatar
    Elle (CleverlyChanging) says:

    Communication is a huge breakdown in the world of relationships. I feel like there should be classes on it in elementary school through high school because most of us fall short. I also thought your advice was great especially this line “Communication leads to community, that is, to understanding, intimacy and mutual valuing.”

  78. Avatar
    Ladonna Batiste says:

    Speaking up and having a balance in communication is so important. But when the communication isn’t balance and we are not getting what we want from the relationship, we need to know when to let go.Men and women interpret what is being said differently and it is important to make sure that we are understanding each other correctly.

  79. Avatar
    Gill Trotman says:

    This is a very well written post. In any relationship, communication is an integral part and knowing when to walk away is critical. Communication is something each in the relationship has to work on consistently.

  80. Avatar
    Becca Wilson says:

    I totally agree with this! No matter how you feel – good or bad – you definitely should be able to speak up about it.

  81. Avatar
    Joanna says:

    If there is no communication then a relationship can’t survive. And text messages are the worst, you can read a lot of things into them that are just in your imagination.

  82. Avatar
    Suzanne says:

    Communication is key and the power is your voice. Never be afraid to speak up. Thank you for the well-written post! xo, Suzanne

  83. Avatar
    Erica says:

    i iwsh it were easy to just speak my mind. tell the person how horrible he or she is being not to make him or her feel bad but to actually save him or her from his or her own self-destruction. i am still learning.

  84. Avatar
    furtdsolinopv says:

    I’d must check with you here. Which is not something I normally do! I take pleasure in reading a put up that may make folks think. Additionally, thanks for permitting me to remark!

  85. Avatar
    Konstantina says:

    I couldn’t agree more! I always try to speak my mind weather it’s positive or negative and not just leave a person hanging.

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