How to know that you are manipulated in a relationship?

Emotional control in a relationship is more typical than you may suspect it is. It does not just occur in explicitly harsh connections, dissimilar to what a few people might want to think. It very well may be something as little as your accomplice driving you to dependably do what they need when you all are as one. In any case, it can mean something progressively genuine. You may not know it, however, they might control you to scrutinize your very own recollections.

There are some points which I have figured out, which here I have pointed out here.

They use this sentence, “Only if you loved me” to get their things done.

I mean seriously? Now when you are not getting your work done you are using this emotional manipulating stuff to get your work done.

They play Victim

They will play the role of victim and make you the offender. I will tell you an experience of mine. My first boyfriend, who was also my lover started staying at my place. He used to torture me, physically and mentally because he wanted to have sex with me and I did not want to. What his friends knew was that I seeing my best friend and I was torturing him.

They try and provoke every time they get a chance

They try and provoke you whenever they get to know that you are about to understand their game.

You are emotionally blackmailed

They might even threaten by saying that they will kill themselves (truly, this happens more every now and again than you can think of) – it can get exceptionally emotional with an individual like this. They likewise will, in general, be individuals who continually prefer to advise you that they will pass on without you, and make you feel claustrophobic in the relationship.

They always make you have a feeling that you owe them something

They will remember everything they did for you and just for once you are busy with your own life or having a good time without them they will bring it up.

Whenever you call out on them for their mistakes they will claim that you are overreacting.

These are the same kind of people who love to provoke you. Denying that your justified response to something is, indeed, you going overboard is a masterstroke in making light of their own fault.

They call you oversensitive and selfish.

These are the grown up versions of the bullies we had in school and colleges. They can say something obtrusively chauvinist or out and out destructive and hope to escape with everything by saying, “Figure out how to take a joke!” It can be anything like pressurizing you to watch films and shows of their choice even if you don’t like the movie or actor or whatsoever, heading off to a restaurant of their choice, or any other. And once you speak up for yourself, boom, the blame game begins.

Raising voice when they do not get their way.

This is common thing, they bring their voice up in contentions, as well as remind you how humiliating it is that the neighbors can hear you all battle. Inevitably, you feel too depleted to even consider carrying one with the battles, so you quit standing up to.

Being critical

They once in a while ever have anything positive to state. What’s more regrettable is that they request that you accept it as helpful input, when it is a long way from it. They wear you out with their consistent stream of cynicism. On the off chance that you endeavor to address them about it, watch the response! They can dish it out yet they won’t take it.

The biggest point is that, when they are finally done with you or bored with you They use your points against you.

I was thinking to write this post ever since a long time but I was sure after I saw Dr. Antonio Borrello’s video on ‘Sneaky games men use to use to manipulate you’. Those of you do not know he is a well-known and obviously my favorite YouTuber on dating and relationships. He always has scientific reasons. His username is Antonio Borrello so you may subscribe him on YouTube.

Have you faced anything like this in your relationships? Let me know in comments.

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What is a Panic Attack?

Panic attack is the sudden beginning of serious dread or inconvenience that achieves a top inside minutes and incorporates no less than four of the accompanying manifestations: Palpitations, beating heart, or quickened pulse. Perspiring. Trembling or shaking. Impressions of shortness of breath or covering.

In spite of the fact that the correct reasons for or inconvenience are unclear, the inclination to have it keeps running in families, for example, the passing of a friend or family member, separation, or employment misfortune can likewise trigger the panic attack. It than four be of breath caused by therapeutic conditions and other physical causes.

There are several symptoms of panic attack some of which areas follows:

Racing heart.

Feeling powerless, black out, or woozy.

Shivering or deadness in the hands and fingers.

The feeling of dread, or looming fate or passing.

Feeling sweat-soaked or having chills.

Chest torments.

Breathing challenges.

Feeling lost control.

There are seven ways to stop panic attack, which are:

Utilize profound relaxing.

Perceive that you’re having a fit of anxiety.

Close your eyes.

Practice meditation.

Learn to focus on positive things.

Utilize muscle unwinding procedures.

Picture being happy.

For the treatment of Panic Attack, Behavioral therapy and medication both are recommended.

That’s all for today. See you again soon…

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Speak Up!

Incident 1

She: Why do I have to text you always? Why isn’t there any initiation from your side?

He: I have been really busy.

She: You are always busy. Sorry for bothering you.

He: I never said that you bother me. I am sorry if I have made you feel so.

She: You know what love, you have changed.

He: Love, I am really trying not to.

She: Take Care.

Incident 2

He: Look, I am not an insomniac like you are. I just can’t.

She: Did I ever ask you to?

He: No you never asked but you always wanted it.

She: Don’t misinterpret me. I know you have a hard life but I work too.

He: You actually never understood me.

She (hurt): If that makes you happy, then fine.

And then she stopped texting him. All because she felt she was ignored and she was tired of getting hurt. Whereas he remained confused that where he went wrong, he never wanted to hurt her.

Now………….. You must be thinking that the guy got bored with her. Believe me, she might have thought the same. Maybe his feelings vanished and he was unaware of that.

It is very natural, it happens. The thing which those two did not understand that disappeared between them was communication. He should have simply conveyed to her whatever was going on his mind but he did not open up no matter whatever the reasons had been. And she remained stubborn because it would hurt her ego too for further argument. As a result, she was hurt enough to walk away, and he kept on misunderstanding her. A story that could have a beautiful climax had a painful ending.

Look we like people, fall in love, sometimes feelings stay, sometimes it vanishes, unwillingly may be. Rollo May said in one of his quotes, “Communication leads to community, that is, to understanding, intimacy and mutual valuing.”. So rather than avoiding the other person speak up whatever is going on your mind because communication can solve any problem and it gives a closure too. A closure is imperative so that every individual can grieve and afterward proceed on with their lives.

 
 

 

One suggestion to everyone, no matter what you feel, what you want to do just SPEAK UP! Do not keep a person hanging because it may affect them in a way where their self-confidence may get affected.

Copyright: withlovemoni.com

I think that is all for today on withlovemoni today for you all.  Try not to hurt anyone, because not everybody is strong enough as they might claim to be.

Take care

Oh, by the way, check out David Elliott’s blog Single Dad’s guide to life because I am extremely thankful to him for the dialogues I used here above, all the credit for the dialogues goes to him and he is too lovely.

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Effects of Being Raised by an Alcoholic Parent.

This is a guest post by a lovely lady Almany Parsons. She is from Florida and currently a stay home mom with her 2 sweet girls and teaches online for VIPKID. She has a great knowledge in Psychology so I thought why not use it for a good purpose.

Almany Parsons from https://exhausta-mom.com/

Growing Up with an Alcoholic as a parent: I thought I was okay.

What is it like growing up with an alcoholic parent?

When you grow up with an alcoholic, you don’t always realize that this is not what it’s like for other children.  You don’t realize that you’re being raised by an alcoholic and that it will impact you for the rest of your life.  You don’t realize, that this is not “normal”.

I remember being shocked when I went to a friend’s house and they actually sat down together to eat, and the adults had sweet tea to drink instead of beer. 

I remember my grandmother having to write a note to my 5th grade teachers, explaining that I was not able to finish my homework the night before because my mother had drunk herself into a drunken rage and we had to lock ourselves in the garage.  That day, we watched movies in class.  As a child, this was fun but as an adult, I look back and wonder if just maybe it had something to do with that note.

As I got older, so many people told me what a great job I was doing despite my mother.  I had straight A’s and was on track to go to college – despite my mother.  I had stayed out of trouble – despite my mother. 

When older adults talk about me even now, it’s always “You’ve overcome so much. I’m so surprised you’ve achieved as much as you have even with all you’ve been through.”

They made it sound like I had survived my childhood and was thriving! They made it sound like I had not been affected by the toxic stress I was exposed to on a daily basis.  They made it sound like I was okay.  AND I BELIEVED THEM. 

I graduated with honors. I went to college.  I got married and had 2 beautiful daughters.  We own our home and do not struggle financially.  I do not struggle with mental illness or depression.  I don’t do drugs.  I’m not involved with the law. 

I am not the stereotype of an addict’s child.  So, I must be okay, right?

What happens to children raised by an alcoholic parent?

 It wasn’t until I was finishing up my bachelor’s degree and taking a class called “Substance Abuse and Mental Health” that I realized, I was incredibly affected by my childhood.  I had always taken so much pride in being successful through everything that had been thrown at me. But, suddenly I was learning that everything I struggled with was a direct result of growing up with my alcoholic mother.

Children raised by an alcoholic parent tend to display similar characteristics and personality traits later in adulthood.  These may include:

Avoiding Conflict – Individuals raised by alcoholics often mistake assertiveness or forms of authority as aggressive and avoid any confrontation in general because of this. After being surrounded by this 24/7 as a child it is easy to come to a pro at avoiding conflict as an adult.

Fear of Losing Control – Growing up with an alcoholic can be a world of chaos and one way that an individual may cope is by controlling the few aspects of their lives that they are able to influence.  This may be other people’s emotions or behaviors, their laundry or even the food that they eat.  There is a constant fear that is they lose control, their lives could become even more chaotic. 

Constant Approval Seeking – Spending an entire childhoodbeing sensitive to their alcoholic caregiver’s emotions often translates intobeing oversensitive to other’s emotions as well.  This leads to fear that someone else may feeluncomfortable because of their own behaviors or image.  The opinions of others are what shape theirself-esteem. 

Difficulty Relaxing/Poor Coping Skills – It is difficult to let go of control and expose their non-perfect vision of themselves; especially when others are watching. Healthy coping skills are not modeled for childrenraised by an alcoholic and they will continue to use poor coping skills intoadulthood.  This can lead to chronicstress and overreaction to change. 

Low Self-Esteem – It is no secret that children of any addict typically harbor low self-esteem. This loops back to the need to seek constant approval and other’s opinions playing such a role on their self-image.

Difficulties with Intimacy – After being lied to and deceived by an alcoholic repeatedly throughout childhood, it can be difficult to trust another individual as many other healthy relationships may have.  It is also difficult to let down the guard that has been put up to prevent disappointment. 

Obsessive Behaviors – It is not uncommon for an individual to obsess over minor things in an attempt to distract themselves from the bigger things happening in their lives – this is especially true for adults who were raised by alcoholics.

Physical Illness – Stress can take a large toll on an individual’s body. This can cause long-term damage for children whoexperiencing this stress during the prime times of their development.  Adults who were raised by alcoholiccaregivers also may lack positive coping skills and as a result use food,drugs, or other unhealthy ways to cope. This often leads to physical illness in adulthood.

Overreaction to Outside Changes – The desires to have control over their world in combination with unhealthy coping skills leads to overreaction to changes that they are not able to control.

That day in my “Substance Abuse and Mental Health” class, I realized that my entire childhood had shaped who I was.  I was directly affected even though all this time I thought I wasn’t.

All of a sudden, it made sense that I was not able to decide to make a big purchase without talking it through with 5 different people and making sure they all agreed it was a good decision.

It made sense that hospitalization of a family member was something I could handle emotionally but the change in last minute plans could cause a panic attack. 

It made sense that I obsessed over planning a dinner or what kind of car to buy and often struggled to make a final decision. 

Instead of developing healthy coping skills and a strong sense of self – as an adult, I am learning the skills I need to overcome many of the anxieties that have become me. 

I realized, that I was in fact largely impacted by my childhood and it was a part of who I was. 

But that is okay; I am okay. 

If you are a child of an alcoholic parent, what are some ways that you have been able to overcome the long-lasting effects of being raised by an addict?

My Point of View

I was in awe after reading this. Well, I would love to know your thoughts too, below in comment box.

Hope to see you soon. Till then Stay Safe and Take Care.

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Say No to Suicide

Approximately 1 million people commit suicide each year. Suicide is an edgy endeavour to avoid enduring that has turned out to be horrendous. Blinded by sentiments of self-hatred, sadness, and disengagement, a self-destructive individual can’t perceive any method for discovering help with the exception of through death. In any case, regardless of their longing for the agony to stop, most self-destructive individuals are profoundly at odds about closure their own lives. They wish there was an option in contrast to suicide, yet they can’t see one. A self-destructive individual may not request help, but rather that doesn’t imply that assistance isn’t needed. Individuals who end their lives would prefer not to kick the bucket, they simply need to quit harming. Suicide anticipation begins with perceiving the notice signs and considering them important. On the off chance that you think a companion or relative is thinking about suicide, you may be reluctant to raise the subject. In any case, speaking straightforwardly about self-destructive musings and sentiments can spare an existence. Today in withlovemoni.com lets learn everything that we should know about a suicidal person.

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Facts about a suicidal person which you should know

Indeed, even the most extremely discouraged individual has blended sentiments about death, faltering until the plain last minute between needing to live and needing to kick the bucket. Most self-destructive individuals don’t need passing; they need the torment to stop. The drive to end everything, anyway overwhelming, does not keep going forever.

Most self-destructive individuals are not maniacal or crazy. They should be vexed, despondency struck, discouraged or hopeless, however extraordinary misery and passionate torment are not really indications of dysfunctional behavior.

Investigations of suicide casualties have demonstrated that the greater part had looked for restorative help in a half-year preceding their passings.

Suicide Cautioning Signs Includes

Discussing suicide – Any discussion about suicide, biting the dust, or self-hurt, for example, “I wish I wasn’t conceived,” “On the off chance that I see you again…” and “I’d be in an ideal situation dead.”

Searching out deadly means – Seeking access to firearms, pills, blades, or different articles that could be utilized in a suicide endeavor.

Distraction with death – Unusual spotlight on death, passing on, or brutality. Composing lyrics or tales about death.

No desire for the future – Feelings of powerlessness, misery, and being caught (“There’s no chance to get out”). A conviction that things will never improve or change.

Self-hatred, self-loathing – Feelings of uselessness, blame, disgrace, and self-loathing. Having a feeling that a weight (“Everyone would be in an ideal situation without me”).

Getting issues altogether – Making out a will. Giving without end prized belonging. Making courses of action for relatives.

Saying farewell – Unusual or startling visits or calls to family and companions. Saying farewell to individuals as though they won’t be seen once more.

Pulling back from others – Withdrawing from loved ones. Expanding social confinement. Want to be disregarded.

Foolish conduct – Increased liquor or medication utilize careless driving, risky sex. Accepting superfluous dangers as though they have a “desire to die.”

A sudden feeling of calmness – A sudden feeling of calmness and satisfaction in the wake of being greatly discouraged can imply that the individual has settled on a choice to endeavor suicide.

Suicide Level Risk

Low – Some self-destructive musings. No suicide plan. Says he or she won’t endeavor suicide.

Direct – Suicidal musings. An ambiguous arrangement that isn’t extremely deadly. Says he or she won’t endeavor suicide.

High – Suicidal musings. A particular arrangement that is very deadly. Says he or she won’t endeavor suicide.

Extreme – Suicidal musings. A particular arrangement that is profoundly deadly. Says he or she will endeavor suicide.

In the event that a suicide endeavor appears to be unavoidable, call a nearby emergency focus, dial 911, or take the individual to a crisis room. Expel weapons, medications, blades, and other possibly deadly questions from the region yet don’t, under any conditions, leave alone a self-destructive individual.

Things You Can Do For a Suicidal Person

Get professional help. Do everything possible to get a self-destructive individual the assistance he or she needs. Call an emergency line for guidance and referrals. Urge the individual to see an emotional well-being proficient, help find a treatment office, or take them to a medical checkup.

Follow-up on treatment. In the event that the specialist endorses a solution, ensure your companion or adored one accepts it as coordinated. Know about conceivable symptoms and make certain to inform the doctor if the individual is by all accounts deteriorating. It frequently requires investment and determination to discover the pharmaceutical or treatment it’s hard to believe, but it’s true for a specific individual.

Be proactive. Those thinking about suicide frequently don’t trust they can benefit from outside intervention, so you may be more proactive at offering help. Saying, “Call me on the off chance that you require anything” is excessively dubious. Try not to sit tight for the individual to call you or even to restore your calls. Drop by, call once more, and welcome the individual out.

Support a positive way of life changes, for example, a sound eating routine, a lot of rest, and getting out in the sun or into nature for something like 30 minutes every day. Exercise is additionally critical as it discharges endorphins, eases the pressure, and advances enthusiastic prosperity.

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Remember your awareness can save your beloved ones.

Stay Safe and Take care.

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Psychopaths are EVERYWHERE

Psychopaths are everywhere. Many are violent criminals but many more are not. You can find them everywhere: in the office next door, at school, or while dating. They are EVERYWHERE.

A psychopath is defined as someone who inflicts pain, misery and sometimes death on others with no conscience or empathy. No one knows exactly what causes psychopathy. Psychopathy is also sometimes known as psychopathic personality disorder and is considered a mental illness. As with mental illness in general, there is no known cure for psychopathy.

In short, psychopaths are predators, and we are prey, and they feel as much compassion and empathy for others as wolves feel for sheep. They lie, manipulate, bully, and seduce to get what they want, caring nothing for those they trample in the process. Given these characteristics, it’s no wonder that even non-violent psychopaths leave a trail of shattered lives in their wakes. They are the unscrupulous coworker who plays the boss, takes credit for your work, and stabs you in the back with a smile. The charmer who moves in with a girlfriend, sucks her dry financially, and then cruelly spits her out and moves on. Emotionally leaves a person dead by mentally torturing them and then pretend to be victims.

So what can you do to identify a psychopath?

First, it’s important to understand how psychopaths operate, so you don’t think you’re imagining things when a charming, harmless-looking colleague acts in a more ruthless and unscrupulous manner than you could otherwise possibly imagine. And the more you know about yourself—your vulnerabilities and your potential value to whomever might attempt to use you—the better off you’ll be. Also, judge people by their actions, not their words. For example, does a romantic partner promise you riches while constantly borrowing your money? Finally, get second opinions. A psychopath who wants to use you will find a way to win you over, but may show more of his or her true self to your friends and colleagues. If you get repeated warnings that the person you’re dealing with isn’t what he or she seems, consider investigating further.

As population densities increase and tensions rise, society is increasingly vulnerable to those who are utterly ruthless and without conscience. While there are no easy answers when it comes to the psychopaths among us, the better we can understand what makes a psychopath tick, the better we can protect ourselves from the destructive impact of this condition.

That’s all for this week. See you next week until then Stay Safe and Take Care.

For references you can also visit www.physiciansnews.com & www.scienceofpeople.com

Picture and article copyright: http://withlovemoni.com

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Stereotypes about working women: A Personal Experience.

I was going through an article on www.youthkiawaaz.com, that what are the stereotypes about working women, two points caught my eyes because I can relate to them. Which are:

1: Women With Ambitions Are Somehow Of Bad Character And Attract Unnecessary Attention From Men.

2: Careers For Women Are Also Pre-defined – Teaching, Nursing, Medical Doctors. Not Acceptable – Journalism, TV, Field Reporting, Etc.

Well in my case I am from a small town in West Bengal. I don’t stay at my hometown anymore because of my career.
In 2017 in the same hometown of mine I started facing some issues regarding bank, so I asked for help from an almost influential person. Whereas, when it came to the solution of that problem the person whom I approached ofcourse told everyone he was helping me because I was spotted with him on our way to the bank.

He couldn’t help obviously. So I gave up on him. On the very next day he called me up and then used these words, “Women are not fit enough for journalism and tv” (I used to work in a channel at that point of time) and he didn’t help me because that could have affected his family’s reputation. I didn’t answer him back because I didn’t want to get into any argument. Later on, on my gutts I solved that issue.

After some days he texted and apologised for his words.

Later on he started discussing my work related stuff with me.

One fine day he told me “Ladies who work don’t have a good character and you can easily sleep with people to reach somewhere”. I replied with a smiling smiley and blocked him from everywhere. Tbh that day, I wanted to break his face. Because during my entire career it was known by people who worked with me that I had been a hard worker.

Well, to be straight forward enough, ladies don’t need to sleep around to reach somewhere. That is what some people don’t understand due to their cheap mentality.

There are more stereotypes. If you have male friends, you don’t have a character. You work late at night you are characterless. These issues are not only faced by ladies in cities but small town girls mostly face it.

Many girls from my hometown or other small towns come to me till date with same issue which they face in their area because these girls dared to work in a challenging field. Some are my juniors. Some know me somehow.

Only suggestion which I have always given and I still give is: An empty mind is devil’s workshop and people who are unable to achieve anything will always criticise you.
There are two major reasons for their way of thinking these stuff are: either they never had a working lady in a challenging field at home or they couldn’t take advantage of you.
In my case it was the second thing.
Ladies never let these people get into your mind. If you are truly careeristic ignore it. Your career should matter to you not what these people say.

It’s your life be daring enough to take your own decisions and fight for it. Because ladies always remember you are worth it.

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Stereotypes about working women

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